My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
