If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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