Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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