omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
