i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
