From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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