real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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