I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
