U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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