ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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