M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
