fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
