I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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