My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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