3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
