Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
