That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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