haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
