Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
