when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
