my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
