Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
