How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
