Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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