My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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