I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
