i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
