You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize