Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
