Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize