a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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