Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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