i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
