i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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