I can text with my tongue
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
