ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
