Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
