And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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