So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I did not marry a roomba.
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