Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
