next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
