That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
