we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
