used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
