I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
