i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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