No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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