Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
