Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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