i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
farters have to be the big spoon...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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