oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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