Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
