Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
