I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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