Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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