Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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