I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
