I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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