Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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