so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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