so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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