Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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