Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i now understand why vodka
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
