I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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