what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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