I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
