Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
