kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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