dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
