i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
NoShamevember. You game?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
