Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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