Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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