and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
