he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she told me i tasted like america
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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