Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize