Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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