When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
