i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
