my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
