If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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