I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
