i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
