My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
