You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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