I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
