The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
