Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So much Jack, so little girl.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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