He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
